Hallelujah Heartbeat: The hardest goodbye...again.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The hardest goodbye...again.

Today, for the first time in the history of my travels in Central America, I just want to go home. I guess I decided that my heart can't handle saying goodbye. It can't handle traveling and falling so deeply in love with people and places, just to say goodbye and never meet again. My heart is forgetting the amazing memories, forgetting how incredibly worth it it is, and concentrating on the fact that II literally feel as if my heart got put in a blender and chopped up into a bajillion pieces of nothing but painful mush.

And I look like I got hit by a bus. So, maybe five hours of sleep in four days isn't enough, but i definitely slept like a baby last night, so I should be good, right? I woke up and look like I havent slept in days and my eyes are puffy like I've been crying since I left Montericco at 4:00 yesterday. (...oh wait...)

I don't remember ever, ever feeling this bad, but I know without a doubt I must have. (Like when I left Costa Rica, maybe? And a little less when we left the last town...?)

I want to go back to Montericco. Currently, I kinda really dislike Antigua because I don't want to be here. I also am a little annoyed with Bethy because she wanted to leave Rico- I didn't. (We've been pretty honest about when we get annoyed at each other and need a break. Lately, that's been a lot. Lack of sleep maybe?)

So, Montericco. Why did you steal my heart and hide it so well? Why, oh heart, must you love people so quickly?

From the moment we were *almost* in Montericco, I knew I loved it. The second we stepped off the bus in our hot jeans and t-shirts and felt the 100 degree weather and saw the black sandy beach and palm trees and the ocean, I was transported back to Ostionel...I'm sure that had some responsibility of me falling in love so deeply, but there's so much more. The problem is, even if I was amazing with words; even if I could write it all down, I know that nobody could really understand. They'd read it and think, "Aw, how nice, you're enjoying your vacation, now come home and live life like the rest of us..."

I can bet they've never been to Central America. They don't know how different the people are. They don't know their simple way of life, or how they are never in a hurry, or how they really love. The people here love so differently, and maybe that's what gets me.

So, I could go on to share about Joe and August and dancing all night and being taught by the best dancers in the world, I could share about learning Spanish and teaching English and laughing until our sides hurt, I could share about releasing thousands of baby turtles, or the bit of drama, or how hot the sand is, and amazing the food is, or how every single guy acts like Bethy and I are the most beautiful girls in the world, I could share about the little children and their big brown eyes, and little Brittany and wanting to help her more than anything, but because I don't want to start crying my eyes again by thinking about it, I'll let the photos do the taking...