The Jesus tears won't stop flowin'...

You know, I am not here by accident.

It's not an accident that seven years ago I met a guy from Panama that made me want to come here more than anywhere else.

It's not an accident that I want to travel to Central America, and pretty much only desire to be in Central America.

It's not an accident that I happened to be in Costa Rica and happened to go on a tour by myself and decide to talk to a girl (that happened to love Jesus) who also came on the tour alone because her friend happened to be sick that day, and she happened to know of a little town in Panama that I happened to decide to go to and I happened to go alone because I couldn't find anyone to go with, and I happened to walk by a church and go inside and there happened to be a family inside that God chose to use to change my life.

It's not an accident that God captured my heart in that church in Panama on April 7th, 2013. A church where people showed me more of God's heart in two minutes than I have ever seen in America in 20 years of my life.

Its not an accident that God used a simple family from Montana living in Panama, a mother that was so in touch with the Holy Spirit that she looked into my eyes and God showed her my soul. That she knew me and she hadn't ever met me, because she knew God, and God knows me.

When I came home from Central America the first time, everyone told me, "You're so different. You look alive. There is a light in your eyes that I've never seen before." That wasn't me. That was God.

It's not an accident that my flight was overbooked on the way home so I got my flight covered to come back a second time.

Its not an accident that the timing of my current trip is at a time when I am at a painful crossroads - do I live like everyone else, do what everyone else does, do whatever I want to do because the world says it is okay and its fun and feels good, or do I choose to live for more? Do I choose to let God refine me through the flame to make me the person I was made to be, a disciple of Christ living to die to self and honor the One who made us for a divine purpose?

You know, I was leaning towards the first option. 

No, you don't know. No one knows yet, because most people only see what I want them see...but I was slowly conforming to the world. Until about a week ago, my thoughts consisted of, "It's too hard, this living for God stuff. Dying to self, trusting God. I want to do what I want to do, and everyone says I should anyway."

This is the mentality of America, and these are lies from the pit of hell. 

When I come to Panama, I am greeted with a church with people that hear Gods voice and talk to Him daily and in every situation. They constantly see His provision and blessings because their eyes are not on themselves or the things of this world; their eyes are on God alone.

This week, I experienced instant healing simply by these people raising their voices and asking in Jesus name. Countless miracles, the indescribable love from God's people, the family that always starts their day with time with God and the unbelievable, undeniable blessings that come from putting God first...how could I ever go back to living for myself?

I could go on and on and on about how God has revealed himself to me this week, things I have learned, and the extremely painful truth about my life and living for self, but you know where to find me if you want to know.

I will say though, that the blessings of surrendering everything to God, giving up everything you think you need or want, and following His still, small voice (...sometimes it is not still or small!) no matter how painful it is... He is so much greater, so much better, and His love for you is enough. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) and so, so, so much more.

We were made for more, and God has decided to show me just how much more by using a church and a family in a country a thousand miles from my home.

My life is not an accident, and God is choosing to prove it to me day after day after day. 

For some reason, God has decided to use me in crazy ways to change the world, if I decide to let him. And every day, I am going to decide to let Him use me to change the world.

And you know, He'll use you too. You may just have to let Him take you across the world and out of your comfort zone to see it.

The Jesus tears won't stop flowing, man. He is so good. Too good to me.