The Jesus tears won't stop flowin'...

You know, I am not here by accident.

It's not an accident that seven years ago I met a guy from Panama that made me want to come here more than anywhere else.

It's not an accident that I want to travel to Central America, and pretty much only desire to be in Central America.

It's not an accident that I happened to be in Costa Rica and happened to go on a tour by myself and decide to talk to a girl (that happened to love Jesus) who also came on the tour alone because her friend happened to be sick that day, and she happened to know of a little town in Panama that I happened to decide to go to and I happened to go alone because I couldn't find anyone to go with, and I happened to walk by a church and go inside and there happened to be a family inside that God chose to use to change my life.

It's not an accident that God captured my heart in that church in Panama on April 7th, 2013. A church where people showed me more of God's heart in two minutes than I have ever seen in America in 20 years of my life.

Its not an accident that God used a simple family from Montana living in Panama, a mother that was so in touch with the Holy Spirit that she looked into my eyes and God showed her my soul. That she knew me and she hadn't ever met me, because she knew God, and God knows me.

When I came home from Central America the first time, everyone told me, "You're so different. You look alive. There is a light in your eyes that I've never seen before." That wasn't me. That was God.

It's not an accident that my flight was overbooked on the way home so I got my flight covered to come back a second time.

Its not an accident that the timing of my current trip is at a time when I am at a painful crossroads - do I live like everyone else, do what everyone else does, do whatever I want to do because the world says it is okay and its fun and feels good, or do I choose to live for more? Do I choose to let God refine me through the flame to make me the person I was made to be, a disciple of Christ living to die to self and honor the One who made us for a divine purpose?

You know, I was leaning towards the first option. 

No, you don't know. No one knows yet, because most people only see what I want them see...but I was slowly conforming to the world. Until about a week ago, my thoughts consisted of, "It's too hard, this living for God stuff. Dying to self, trusting God. I want to do what I want to do, and everyone says I should anyway."

This is the mentality of America, and these are lies from the pit of hell. 

When I come to Panama, I am greeted with a church with people that hear Gods voice and talk to Him daily and in every situation. They constantly see His provision and blessings because their eyes are not on themselves or the things of this world; their eyes are on God alone.

This week, I experienced instant healing simply by these people raising their voices and asking in Jesus name. Countless miracles, the indescribable love from God's people, the family that always starts their day with time with God and the unbelievable, undeniable blessings that come from putting God first...how could I ever go back to living for myself?

I could go on and on and on about how God has revealed himself to me this week, things I have learned, and the extremely painful truth about my life and living for self, but you know where to find me if you want to know.

I will say though, that the blessings of surrendering everything to God, giving up everything you think you need or want, and following His still, small voice (...sometimes it is not still or small!) no matter how painful it is... He is so much greater, so much better, and His love for you is enough. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) and so, so, so much more.

We were made for more, and God has decided to show me just how much more by using a church and a family in a country a thousand miles from my home.

My life is not an accident, and God is choosing to prove it to me day after day after day. 

For some reason, God has decided to use me in crazy ways to change the world, if I decide to let him. And every day, I am going to decide to let Him use me to change the world.

And you know, He'll use you too. You may just have to let Him take you across the world and out of your comfort zone to see it.

The Jesus tears won't stop flowing, man. He is so good. Too good to me.

Panama Part 1 - I am blessed...

As I get ready to leave Boqete, I realize that I haven't written a single thing about being in Boqete. So much for not getting behind on blogging. I do have a good excuse, though (if there is any such thing...) 

I HAVE BEEN BUSY!! (Good excuse, right?)

The only problem now is that I have five days worth of pictures and words and no one is going to take time to read about my crazy life. ;P

(Looks really crazy, I know.)

Okay, now that the photos have your attention and you are dying to have explanations, ill start at the beginning. :)

(A boy with a box full of chicks)

Friday, January 10th -

After a long, exhausting day of travel, we arrived in Boqete around 8:00 pm and were greeted by loud music, tons of people, countless vendors lining the streets....and every hostel overbooked. Not exactly what I was expecting, or looking forward to after traveling on a bus for 12 hours. (Note to self: make reservations. Just kidding. Never going to happen.)

We walked around town asking where hostels were, and they are shooting off fireworks. There were soo many people everywhere. I told Kayla that this was definitely not normal Boqete - I remembered it being an incredibly quiet, peaceful little town. Aparently, true to my Central American experiences, I happened to arrive in town on the first day of their crazy once-a-year/attract-people-from-all-over-the-world festival. This one celebrating flowers and coffee (Sounds really exciting, right?)

Finally, we found a hostel that offered to call around and found us a hostel that had available rooms. It was $14 a night, so pretty pricey, but at that point we were just glad to have a place to stay. We gave the okay, and a few minutes later a guy arrived on a motercycle to take us to the hostel.

At this point, Kayla was cranky and tired and sick of traveling and noise and people and just wanted to sleep, so when a stranger arrived on a motercycle to take her away (only one extra rider at a time!) she was less than thrilled. I assured her it was fine and it was normal in Central America to get on motercycle a with strange people (Err, something like that.) 

He took her to the hostel, and a few minutes later he came and picked up me and my beastly travel backpack and we sped away through the crowds of people and smells of flowers mixed with fried chicken (mmm nummy :P) not gonna lie, the ride was a little sketch going a little out of town, but we arrived safely to a cozy little hostel (with really strange art.)

Kayla crashed right away, but I was too excited and wanted to see what was going on back in town. Some people I met that were staying at the hostel invited me to go with them, so we walked back to the fest grounds.

I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but Central Americans are crazy partiers. Always. We paid two dollars to get into the grounds where there were flowers and vendors everywhere. Aparently they ship in flowers and coffee from all over the world, and that is where they have the contest for the world's best coffee. Normally, that kind of thing would only attract an older crowd, but to get more people they also had a carnival and a stage where they had the typical concerts for the younger crowd. We went in the concert for awhile, but it was definitely not Central American dancing going on. We didn't stay very long... 

I guess I'm an old kid, but I think I'd rather look at flowers and drink coffee. Ha. Anyway, it's always interesting to see how different people and places celebrate what is important to them.

I headed to bed, but the music was so loud that even from our hostel a little ways away (up a hill) we could pretty much feel the bass. It's so strange to fall asleep to that, then wake up at 3:00 am and it's still going on. Yawn...

Saturday we pretty much just walked around town, looked at flowers, and recovered from our day of traveling. The hostel was wonderful, looking down at the town and up at the mountains.

They also had a back porch and hammocks in the shade...perfect place to chill after the long bus ride.

They also had a super cuddly kitten named Tarzan that liked to eat me...

 

And really sweet staff.

This guy had actually built the hostel an started it himself. He built all the beds and everything, and was constantly checking in with the guests making sure we were comfortable and had everything we needed. He even offered to take Kayla to get some aloe for her sunburn, but we happened to find some and a sweet woman generously gave her a leaf...

Kayla was overly excited to finally heal the terrible beach sunburn...(it's seriously THE WORST. Nothing from Wisconsin comes close.)

Saturday night we were invited by our Boqete friends to come to youth group with them at a church in a neighboring town. We caught a taxi (after waiting forever because there were soo many people) and hopped in...

You can't see it, but there are (not kidding) about 10 people in the seat behind us. It was pretty crowded in that taxi.

After the taxi ride, we met up with my friends (I had met them last year when i came to Panama and visited their church) and it drove with them to the youth group in David. It was incredible to be there with them and see the youth worshipping and so on fire for God. When they saw us there, they announced a welcome and almost every single person in that room came and greeted us, welcoming us, and shook our hand or gave us hugs. I'm pretty sure that is how church is supposed to be when new people come...

After that, a local girl Kayla and I hadn't ever met before took us and our friends to McDonald's and bought us all ice cream. It was so great to visit with them and fellowship and just to be with friends with so much in common with us - even though they live in Panama. 

I am blessed. :)

(To be continued...)

Travel To Panama

I hate getting behind on blogging. Part of me feels like I need to write every detail of the last three days to keep you updated like I promised, but I'm pretty sure that in itself would take three days and then we'd just be more behind...:]

Thursday was spent at the beach in Manual Antonio, watching crabs, taking pictures, and turning down offers from guys to teach me to surf (long story) and get me into the nation park for free. (He said it would be an adventure and that's what life is all about. Eerr, not. I think I'd rather not get kicked out of the country for sneaking in without paying...) It was a really relaxing day but I (like always) wanted to go DO something, and hated all the tourists, and the guys were rediculously creepy, so I was really glad to get on the bus at 6 am Friday morning.

They are so punctual with their buses. It's really nice, because usually down here "6 am" could mean anything from 5:45-6:30...

We went back to San Jose where we had a three hour wait for our next bus to David, Panama. While we waited some children next to us started being children and we running around and climbing everywhere and hitting and pushing each they like true loving siblings - working together to give mom grey hair. So I got out some crayons and ripped some pages out of a coloring book and gave it to them...woweee, I have never seen such a happy little boy.

 

At first we just gave them each one crayon, but he seemed bored with the green one and was trying to take his sisters red one so I gave him a whole pack. It happened to have a dinosaur on it, and man, his smile was so priceless. :))

He colored for awhile, then started building with the crayons, then was sticking them in the slots in the chairs...and then he bit the pointy top off of all of them, held them in his mouth, then went and spit them in the trash before going back to climbing and running and giving his mom grey hair. Aha. Such a boy. 

We boarded our bus to Panama at 11:45 and left at exactly noon. And then, besides one stop for food and another at the border, we sat on the bus for eight hours driving through the beautiful country...but making for an extremely long day. Of course everyone loves sitting on a bus for 12 hours...

It was definitely watching interesting as the landscape changed from city to mountains to rows and rows of palm trees to small towns and farm fields.

At the border around 5:00 pm we jumped off the bus, got our passports stamped to exit Costa Rica and walked about a quarter mile in no-mans-land to the entrance of Panama. I was telling Kayla how simple it all was, but then I was told I couldn't enter because I didn't have a return flight ticket to the states. Um, oops. I guess I forgot that detail from my last trip. Thankfully Kayla had hers, but I was starting to have a mini heart attack and going over worse case scenarios in my mind. (Ill be stuck at the boarder and have to be homeless until my Panama friends come to rescue me. Oh wait, there's no way to contact them! Ahh...) Wonderful people on our bus (the bus driver was the sweetest guy ever) kept trying to explain and asking if I understood. I kept saying yess!! I understand but I don't have it! So the bus driver showed me to an Internet cafe where I paid to print it out and was good to go. The men on the bus were so sweet, always checking to see if I was okay and carrying my luggage for me. One good thing about it though is through all the chaos they didn't even check out bags. So nice to not have to unpack everything.

We got back on the bus around 6 (I felt awful for putting us behind schedule, but no one seemed to mind. Like usual, they were calm, chill, loving, and cared more about my safety and well being than getting to their destination on time. I felt so safe with all those wonderful people.

We arrived in David around 7, and got on a little school bus PACKED with beautiful Panamanian people for an hour ride to Boquete. They took our bags and immediately some boys got up making room for Kayla and I to sit. There were three (or four) in every seat plus several people standing. These bus rides are one of my favorite parts about the country. Everyone talks and laughs and has such a good time with their friends and family, and no one seems to care that you can hardly move. I love watching the way they interact and deal with situations that most people I know would just complain about. Such a different, beautiful place. :)

Manuel Antonio Part 2

Photo post!

It rained this morning and was much cooler than yesterday, thank God. 100 is a little much for me...

Our hostel has the coolest bathroom...there are rocks and shells all over the walls.

And we found a dead fish. Yeah we're cool.

And a cool plant...

That's our hostel sign.

And those two people in the middle are a father and daughter playing soccer on the beach. On of my favorite things about Central America is how much they value family.

And I know I am supposed to live in the moment, but the beach reminds me so much of my Guatemala adventures and I miss my Monterrico friends so much....and I realized I spelled Monterrico wrong. Oops. Too much sun I guess.

That would be a monkey on the wire.

And a sand castle someone else built.

Another amazing sunset...

And my best friend.

Love <3

Manual Antonio

Packed up and left San Jose and said goodbye to our beautiful new friends, Yi from China and Celia (pronounced See-ya) from...some small weirdly named French Island in the Carribean. 

We bused with our luggage to Maximo where Ingrid (Leo's wife from Trans Leo Tours. If you ever go to San Pedro, book tours with them! They're great!) was waiting for us to take us to Tracopa bus station.

In the few minutes at Maximo I got to see my good friend Mario! Mario is incredible, and last time I was in Costa Rica we climbed a mountain together and I was the only one who could keep up with him. Oh yeah farm girl muscles! Haha... And funny enough, Mario is getting married and moving to Minnesota just three hours from my house! I invited him to come visit the farm, and he said he'd love that! Woo! (P.s. I miss my cows :)

(Ahah. They don't have these cuties here. Just Bramahs.)

So, we left Maximo, drove like crazy through morning traffic, arrived at the bus station to wait for our bus, paid 100 colones for the bathroom (it's like 20 cents,) then boarded our nice coach bus (everything comforting but air conditioning or bathrooms) for the three hour bus ride through the most beautiful country in the world. Seriously...I'd driven there before, but even so, my face was glued to the window and my breath was gone. Sooo beautiful.

(It's a corn field!)

We arrived at Manuel Antonio which is one of the most discussed destinations in the country. 

It had a national park, a white sandy beach that is perfect for swimming (small waves, nothing like I am used to and love about Ostionel or Monterrico,) and the widest variety of wildlife in the country.

Oh yeah. And a bajillion tourists. Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike tourists? I am not traveling to do touristy things or spend lots of money or talk to people in English. If you want to experience Costa Rica tourism though, they literally have everything you could ever want to do here.

Despite being absolutely beautiful like the rest of the country, Manuel Antonio is not my favorite place. Way too many gringos and way too expensive.

 On the other hand, it is good to come here to realize that I am much happier meeting crazy locals and spending next to nothing and living in a bug infested hostels than being a tourist...I swear on my life I will do anything I can to not look like a tourist and to instead look like a backpacker (there is a HUGE obvious difference in looks, actions, personality, ect.) Or maybe I'll just move here and not be a tourist or a backpacker. Yeah, I like that idea. But anyway. End of rant. :)

We jumped off the bus and were greeted by several people offering to help in any way they could. We allowed one guy (Julio!) to show us to a hostel, then we got settled and headed into town. We met Julio's friends (the guys who are paid to be nice to tourists...er, backpackers like me) and discussed Spanish and how little money I had, and the fact that you just have to make friends with the right people to do everything the tourists do for free. I'm still working on that one. So far I may have a free horseback ride and cheap surf lessons. Not bad for only a few hours in town. I guess it helps that

1) I am a blonde American girl and

2) I try to speak Spanish and look like an idiot...but they love when you try!

For once though, someone was impressed by my Spanish! I had been getting really frustrated with myself, whyy am I not fluent!? (I look like a tourist!) If I was fluent I could experience so much more and meet and get to know soo many more people, and when I tell my native friends that I am trying, they don't seem impressed. (You were here eight months ago. You should be fluent by now!) Anyway, we were sitting on the beach, and a lifeguard comes up all pura vida like and asks where we were from. After answering in Spanish, he asked how much Spanish I knew. I said un piquito. He said a lot piquito or a little piquito? I said mas o menos. He loved that. And I felt pretty accomplished when we had a little conversation in Spanish and I could translate for Kayla. I guess you just have to put it in perspective, because she thinks I know a lot! :)

We headed down the beach and watched in amazement all of the giant crabs living in the rock crevices.

 I probably would have climbed in there further, but I kept seeing a horror film in the making and decided against it. There were so many crabs and you could hear their spider-like feet as they crawled around. Yikees. So creepy. They were really cool looking though! 

(All those little black things are crabs)

Later, we asked Julio's friend Jeffery (the guy who may convince his uncle to let me ride the horses for free) where a cheap place to eat was, and we took his word and went there...

Um, we definitely have a different definition of cheap. Yeah, you get a ton of AMAZING food, but $8 meals break my bank. I am dying in this town! The server was really cool though, and he gave us a Costa Rican drink to try - it's made from sugar cane and you can definitely tell. Soo sweet.

It's about seven billion degrees out. Seriously ridiculous coming from -22. We just sit here, inside, under a fan and even after cold showers are sweating like pigs. It's great.......(someone make a snow angel for me?) Besides that, I decided that I am not a huge fan of feeling like I am on vacation. I know almost anyone else in the world would kill to be here, but I want to be DOING something (Kayla and I differ greatly in this area. She is completely content to sit and relax like were on vacation. I would much rather be playing with kids or saving sea turtles or saving the world or learning to dance or learning Spanish...so I am really looking forward to going to Panama in a few days! 

That being said, I am definitely going to enjoy my day on the beach tomorrow and will be thinking of you all the whole time. We watched the sunset and as always, absolutely incredible over the ocean. :)

Pura Vida. <3